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Hello, my name is Rayne, and I am a recovering People Pleaser.
I’ve spent much of my adult life unpacking this, trying to get to the roots of my people-pleasing tendencies to eradicate them, but I recognize that some of it is just a natural part of who I am and it isn’t all bad. Prior to really doing the work to understand how people pleasing manifested itself in my behavior and relationships, I often found myself turning to dishonesty–or at the very least, convenient omissions–to avoid making anyone else feel potentially uncomfortable or upset by me. I figured that if I kept myself as small and unobtrusive as possible, things would be good for everyone.
A nice sample platter of therapy, self-reflection, maturing, leaning on family and nurturing relationships with those who help me grow resulted in my ability to become clear on how I could change the maladaptive aspects of people pleasing and harness the power it gave me for good. I can really identify two major factors in my growth; the first, my husband, who showed me that living honestly is the greatest gift we can give to ourselves and others. The second, my plant friend, cannabis.
I quietly quit drinking alcohol in November 2022 for a lot of reasons, chief among them that it just made me feel awful. I was quiet about it because people-pleaser me didn’t want to make others feel uncomfortable (ridiculous, I know!). I spent the better half of a year getting to know my new lifestyle, and eventually reincorporated cannabis use as my daughter sprouted from baby to toddler.
I was by no means a stranger to cannabis, however resuming use of it now felt like I was meeting it for the first time. We weren’t here just to party; we were here to turn inward together, to float just enough above reality to really be able to examine it, to welcome this new version of our relationship with a warm hug. Every time I use cannabis I feel like a new part of myself is revealed, and this winter that became a huge catalyst for change in my life. I decided to leave my secure teaching job to work in the cannabis industry.
If you do not know a teacher personally (or you aren’t one yourself), then you need to understand the enormous pressure educators face to be borderline-puritanical visions of morality. This, paired with my aforementioned people-pleasing, made telling people about my career change and cannabis use a huge, scary beast. It was like the final boss I needed to defeat on the last level, and the only way out was through.
I have defaulted to concocting terrible stories of how others will perceive me for most of my sentient life, and coming out of the “Cannabis Closet” became a test of strength. My heart rate was more elevated than I would have liked it to be for a few weeks there, and I whispered the chorus of my daughter’s favorite Phish song, “everything’s right so just hold tight,” to myself more times than I can count, but I now find myself on the other side happier than I could have imagined.
Something that I was deprived of whilst in the throes of people pleasing was realizing–and I mean really, truly, feeling it in my bones–that the people who love me will support me no matter what, and the people who don’t get it, don’t need to have so much importance in my life. It is my hope that sharing about using cannabis, a plant still faced with dismantling decades of unfair stigmatization and misinformation, will help others like me see that it is possible to live your truth authentically and wholeheartedly, without losing anything.
This post was written with a cup of spearmint tea and Wana Massachusetts Sunrise Sativa Gummies. Spearmint tea is a refreshing herbal beverage packed with antioxidants and known for its digestive support and benefits to skin and hormone balance. Wana Massachusetts Sunrise Sativa Gummies are fast-acting with 5mg THC per serving, resulting in a nice fuzzy glow of energy perfect for morning use.
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